I Kissed Dating Goodbye Goodbye | Thought Catalog
Like many parents of 90s kids, I once embraced I Kissed Dating Goodbye. And how do you get to know them unless you spend time with them? . But every person is different, with different temptations, different levels of maturity with a fellow seminary student called “I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down and people are still talking. More than , copies. Have you told her all the sweet things you used to whisper in my ear?" I laugh them off as part of the game of love that everyone plays. I know And I know that the various girls have forgiven me, because I've asked them to. . different than the relationships around us that we'll want to come up with a different name for it!.
We went to the same church, the same mid-week Bible study group. He came to see me when I had a bad cold and he made me toasted cheese sandwiches. Dan, Dan, Toasted Cheese Sandwich Man, my friends called him, and now you can see why I wanted to tell you his real name.
We prayed together in his room. We went to see Titanic and I — oh, how I cringe at this memory — used this as a golden excuse to put my head on his shoulder and cry like a baby through most of it. Eventually, he plucked up the courage to write me an email. The jist of it was: From this grew a whole theory I had, born from years of experience and intense observation, about Christian Bloke Syndrome, which would also have been the title of my book if self-publishing had existed back then.
It was, essentially, this: The UK context is different from the US one. We date, I think, less casually, or less prolifically, particularly in our teens. In the UK, at the time I was reading this book, what we needed was more casual dating, not less.
As soon as a man and a woman were caught talking to each other at church, rumours would fly. Many of her songs have the same message. James writing the foreword to Kissed. At the end of her teens, on her tour bus, maybe going somewhere like Casper, Wyoming, her room is filled with pictures of home in Australia and her family, maybe a poster of Leo in Titanic. Quiet, she has her journal open. Her family in another country, save for perhaps her mom, she writes in her foreword about wanting to be normal, with a boyfriend.
She writes as Harris would as someone who believes in the partner God will bring each person if they just believe. She also writes, and I assumed believed, a boyfriend would be a distraction, agreeing with Harris that waiting on God is the way to happiness. Then she puts down the most revelatory portion of the foreword, a single paragraph, hidden in the middle. James was eventually given her partner from God.
What if all you ever dreamed about was finding a husband or wife? All you ever did was pray for him and all you did you ever did was live your life as best you could to make it happen but you never found him?
Correction, God never found him? Worse, what if you found him and he, by instruction from God, told you to look elsewhere? I should surrender more thoroughly now. He and I were similar then. When people we knew talked about sex our hair stood on edge, but we dreamed of a wife. And not just any wife, a superhuman wife. Her physical dimensions, I could continue to list, since most of her acceptability hinged on her appearance. She would have to be hot and a strong Christian, or, at least, the former.
So then, on the question raised in the first paragraph, on why Harris wrote Kissed, let me offer that nearly all people misinterpret the book. The first camp thinks of it as being if they ever thought of the book at all full of irrelevant, prehistoric thinking. Then the other camp of Kissed readers, the people who thought, you might still think, Kissed is a book of God-breathed principles, admonishments for young non-married Christians to take to heart and incorporate into their lives, a guidebook they can use to avoid getting pregnant before finding a scripture-memorizing spirit-led man.
I contend, instead, the book was written for a more simple reason. The premise is simple. This book was his way of catharsis, to help Christians avoid the mistakes he made. Harris wanted his readers to kiss goodbye to dating — or money, or cars — whatever was most detracting from their relationship with Christ.
Specifically, dating before marriage with another Christian. Anna felt her lip begin to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. I'm sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor. What is going on? Then she woke up. Betrayed Anna told me about her dream in a letter. How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day? How many times have I given my heart away in short-term relationships?
Will I have anything left to give my husband? The jarring image haunts me.
There are girls from my past, too. What if they showed up on my wedding day? What could they say in the receiving line? Those were some pretty lofty promises you made at the altar today. I hope you're better at keeping promises now than you were when I knew you. And what a beautiful bride. Does she know about me? Have you told her all the sweet things you used to whisper in my ear? I do my best to forget.
I laugh them off as part of the game of love that everyone plays. I know that God has been faithful to forgive as I've asked Him to.
Can You Remember Every Single Person You've Kissed?
And I know that the various girls have forgiven me, because I've asked them to. But I'm still aware of the consequences of my selfishness.
I gave my heart away too many times. And I took from girls what wasn't mine. Living for Myself My own self-centered approach to romance started young.
Even though I grew up in a Christian home, by the time I reached junior high I had embraced a very ungodly attitude toward relationships. I didn't fear God. Despite my parents' diligence and godly example, I was living for sin and my own pleasure. The older guys on my gymnastics team bragged about the different girls they had slept with.
I was mesmerized by their stories. Sin sounded so enticing. With a friend I stole pornographic magazines from a bookstore and pored over them, stoking the fire of my own sinful cravings-I was enslaved to lust, and girls were nothing more than objects to satisfy my desire. One night I snuck out of the house for a prearranged meeting with three girls and made out with each of them one after the other. Looking back, I'm sickened by these memories, but at the time I only wanted more.
The fact that I remained a virgin during those years is, to be honest, a miracle. It had everything to do with God's mercy and nothing to do with any self-control or virtue on my part. I can easily be brought to tears when I think about where I'd be today if God had not chosen to intervene. God convicted me of my disobedience through a message given by Randy Alcorn at a retreat I attended my freshman year in high school.
Randy spoke about heaven.
He talked about how Jesus died for my sins. I had to change.
I repented of my sin right then, and when I got home from the retreat I threw away the pornographic magazines and paid the bookstore for what I'd stolen I was too embarrassed to tell them in person, but I left a note with the money on the counter. At the same time I quit the gymnastics team and got involved with my church's youth group.
My next girlfriend was a Christian and we didn't even kiss. I became a student leader and gained a reputation as someone who was serious about his faith.
I assumed that my love life was now pleasing to God. But I still had a lot to learn. I wasn't sneaking out to meet girls in the middle of the night anymore, but most of my wrong attitudes remained the same.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye (And Now I Regret It)
My main concerns were still my own gratification and the fun I could gain from relationships with girls. I liked the way I felt when a girl liked me. I enjoyed the rush I got from flirting or expressing my feelings to a girl. I was still very immature and selfish. In church my friends and I played the dating game with passion-more passion, I regret to say, than we gave to worshiping or listening to sermons.
During Sunday morning services we passed notes about who liked whom, who was going out with whom, and who had broken up with whom.